


Opponents in Crime

by TheFrenchiestLlama



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Almost kissing but not quite, Arguing, M/M, No Smut, One Shot, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8978692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFrenchiestLlama/pseuds/TheFrenchiestLlama
Summary: “God,” Spiderman mutters under his breath, yet loud enough for Wade to hear. “I can’t believe I almost kissed you.”





	

The operation is a stealthy, something Deadpool has never been good at. He’s always preferred to go in with a bang, and occasionally a shower of blood and shattered limbs.

            In this particular case, however, his usual methods aren’t an option. His mark is armed to the teeth, wealthy enough to have men patrolling his land 24/7 (Wade wouldn’t have taken the job at all if he hadn’t known how filthy fucking rich the guy was). And while he knew that he could survive thirty well-armed bodyguards all ganging up on him at once, it still wasn’t really something he wanted to have to endure.

            So that’s how he ends up crouched on the roof of his mark’s house after multiple failed grappling hook shots and one successful one, freezing cold and extremely tense. Every flutter of bird’s wings and rustle of tree leaves sounds like footsteps or a gun being cocked to his paranoid ears.

            And just when he’s sure that it’s safe to start finding a way into the house, Wade sees something out of the corner of his eye. It’s just a mere flash of a silhouette, but it’s still something. He’s sure of it.

            He freezes in place, his eyes searching every corner of the roof, but he sees nothing. What’s worse, whoever’s up there with him probably knows he’s there, too (despite how fashionable his suit is it’s not exactly great for blending in) so there’s his element of surprise out the window. His only option is to sit and wait for the other person to reveal themselves.

            Unfortunately, the person seems to have adopted the same strategy.

            More and more Wade begins to wonder if it had simply been his mind playing tricks on him, as his mind is extremely prone to do. Just when he’s about to climb through a skylight he sees it again, this time to his right. Suddenly, a pair of cold gloved hands are clasped around his mouth.

            “Dammit, my only weapon!” he tries to quip, but it comes out as “flmflrb, mflrbrmrbr!”

            His hand darts for one of his Katanas, and after a short tussle Wade is on top. The other guy is more nimble, but Wade has the upper hand when it comes to strength and this turns out to be a big benefit. Soon enough he has his opponent lying on his back, his arms pinned under Wade’s legs. He thinks to take the other person’s weapons only to find he doesn’t have any. He presses his katana to the other person’s neck.

            It takes Wade a second to process the face he’s seeing through the hazy darkness. No, wait, it’s not a face-it’s a mask, with big white and black eyes…

            “Wade?” comes a voice from under the mask, confirming what the assassin already suspected. “Yeah, Spidey it’s me.” He says bluntly, still a bit on edge. “Is it safe to release you?”

            Spiderman nods, and slowly Wade gets to his feet and allows him to get up as he sheathes his katana.

            As the spider brushes himself off he remarks; “you had me really scared there for a second.” His voice is light and nonchalant, in sharp contrast to the swift and efficient ninja he had been mere moments earlier.

            Wade rubs the back of his neck; “Uh, yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t know it was you.” He tries to brush it off, but he feels as if he’s done something that can’t be undone; he’s given the spider an unwanted peek into what might’ve happened if they weren’t friends. He was ready to kill the spider with a flick of his wrist. He can’t help but wonder if Spiderman thinks even less of him now.

            Suddenly the two of them remember where they are and drop to their knees, lowering their voices to a whisper.

            “Wait.” Hisses Spiderman “Why are you here anyway?”

            “For the same reason as you, I presume.” He says hastily. The spider tenses. He’s no idiot; he knows what Wade does for a living. Hell, he just gained an intimate understanding of his job.

            And for some reason, Deadpool doesn’t want the hero to think less of him. So, he does the first thing that pops into his head; he lies.

            “Yeah, I thought this guy needed to be taught a lesson, so I thought he would bring him in.”

            Even under the mask, Wade can see the spider’s eyes light up, and Wade can feel a smile coming on just at the sight of it. God, he’s been spending too much time around the guy, he’s getting soft.

            “So, if we both have the same objective, I guess we should do this, together?” The moment Spiderman says it, there seems something endlessly attractive about the prospect. Wade nods.

            Soon they’re both standing under a skylight, after a small argument about the fact that Wade can’t do anything gracefully, having landed on his back with a thud. As he tries to defend himself the spider shushes him.

            Now that they’re inside, Wade can tell that neither of them know what to do. It’s common knowledge that their mark’s house is extremely labyrinthine, perhaps to thwart people like the two of them.

            Wade suppresses the urge to steal multiple expensive pieces of décor (“he won’t even notice that they’re gone!”). He knows that if he just makes it through the mission he’ll have enough money to buy it all for himself.

            It’s not until they’ve become thoroughly lost that they encounter a patrolman. Spiderman in the first to hear it, stopping dead in his tracks. Wade sees the comic-book waves emanating from his companion’s head and stops, too.

            “What do you sense?”

            “How can you-? Um, there’s someone around the corner up there.” he points down the hallway ahead of them.

            Wade’s eyes are darting around their surroundings in one second and in the next he’s pulled the spider into a cramped maintenance closet by his skinny bicep.

After the first second of adrenaline rush Wade realizes the situation. He can feel the spider’s breath on his face.

            The space there in really is very cramped, only about two by two feet.

            Wade moves forward slightly, and slowly he tilts his head so that his forehead is pressed against the Spiderman’s. To his surprise, the other man doesn’t pull away.

            “So, how does it feel to be stuck in the closet? And I don’t just mean literally.”

            That’s when he finally pulls away, whispering brusquely; “He’s gone, we can leave.”

            Then they’re out, both pretending the whole closet thing never happened.

            “The patroller must mean we’re getting close.” Says Spiderman. Wade simply nods in response.

            A little while later the hallway they’re in begins to widen, and they both agree nonverbally that they are getting close. When they reach the door to the mark’s bedroom, they both know that they’re in the right place. It’s a double-door, lined with gold embellishments like Victorian portrait.

            Wade motions toward it; “After you.”

            Slowly the spider opens the door, creeping in on his toes as Wade silently admires his ass.

            Once they’re both inside the room, Wade begins to question his plan.

            The mark is sleeping extremely soundly in a giant gold-plated canopy bed, exactly the kind of bed you’d expect an extremely rich person to own. Unconsciously Wade unsheathes one of his katanas as he approaches the bed. Spiderman looks at him questioningly. “What’s that for?” He whispers.

            “Just in case.” He lies again, but this time the hero calls his bluff.

            “Oh my god!” he says out loud, throwing caution to the wind in a way that he doesn’t usually. “You lied to me! You never planned on taking this guy in alive at all!”

            Wade blushed profusely (out of anger or embarrassment he couldn’t tell) but he didn’t deny it. He looks down at the mark, but he’s still asleep. He thinks for a moment.

            “Did you really think you could expect that much from me?” he hisses. The spider looks taken aback by his honesty, looking away.

            “I guess shouldn’t have.” He says quietly. Wade feels sorry for him, but he doesn’t take it back.

            “God,” Spiderman mutters under his breath, yet loud enough for Wade to hear. “I can’t believe I almost kissed you.”

            Wade throws his arms in the air. “THAT was you almost kissing me?” He, too, is now on full volume. “God, you’re so scared to admit how deep in the closet you are that you can’t even be in close quarters with another man for more than a minute!”

            Now, the spider is fuming so badly Wade can almost see waves of steam coming off the top of his head. In their anger, however, neither of them have noticed that the mark is sitting up in bed looking between two of them like he’s watching a tennis game played with flaming rackets.

            “Wh-what’s going on?” He sputters, eyes as wide as saucers.

            “Shut up.” Says Wade through gritted teeth, before cleanly removing the man’s head from his shoulders. The Spiderman shrieks; “Why thE FUCK did you do that?” Wade knows it’s serious once he starts swearing, dropping his family-friendly persona.

            He turns to his shocked companion, teeth still grinding against each other. “ _Because it’s what I’m being paid to do._ ”

            With that, the spider turns away, every muscle in his body going rigid. In one movement he opens the window next to him and jumps out. A moment later, Wade is watching the spider swing through the city from the house’s front yard as he holds the mark’s severed head in one hand. Regret is already poisoning his thoughts.

            He won’t get a chance to speak to him again in a month.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments please!


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